An Ode to Jeffrey Carl Willard

Father’s Day is just around the corner. And while my family celebrated the occasion last weekend, I believe this is an excellent occasion to revive my blogging habit. So I decided to put together a brief outline of some of the more momentous things I’ve gained from being Jeff Willard’s daughter. In no particular order…

 

1. A love of bleu cheese dressing

 

2. Dance moves rivaling those of the late, great Michael Jackson

 

3. The belief that Crown Royal is as much of a camping staple as the tent and the cookstove.

 

4. The Universal Truth that anyone who defeats you at any game or leisure sport is obviously cheating.

 

• a.   And in a subcategory, cheating is an offense that must be documented. On the actual game board. Take for instance, the family Parcheesi board. It honestly contains an inscription that says “Don’t play this game with them. They cheat.”
• b. And in yet another subcategory, when you do win, shout it from the mountaintops.

 

5. The fact that there is a Jimmy Buffett song for every single holiday, special occasion or day that ends in “day”.

 

6. Boxed wine is classy.

 

7. There is a logical answer for everything.

 

8. Mom should not be allowed to represent herself in any sort of legal proceeding. (True that.)

 

9. Love and loyalty to the people you love is all that matters.

 

10. The notion that muskrat hats are still poised for a comeback.

 

11. Yogurt and doughnuts are a totally viable dinner menu.

 

12. You get what you pay for. So buy the most expensive tools/largest televisions/biggest boats/high tech metal detectors, etc. It will definitely be worth it.

 

13. Anything in the bread family is not an acceptable breakfast food. This rules out pancakes, French toast, biscuits, etc.

 

14. The day that Jack was born should be a national holiday. Or at least a family holiday. P.S. Jack is a wire-haired fox terrier.

 

15. No matter what, your outfit is always cute, your haircut always looks beautiful, and your shoes are always exactly right for that dress. Especially when it comes to your daughters.

 

 

 

So here’s to you, The Best Dad In The Whole Universe. Some may know you as Jeff, Jeffy, Jeff-a-Lynn, Little Black Sambo (the best porn star name EVER), but we all know you are the best Dad any three rotten kids could ask for. Thanks for trying to make us behave!