"Butt injection with 'Fix a Flat' leads to arrest".
It's a real shame that it turned out to be a) illegal, and b) probably toxic. The idea had such promise! I guess those of us with pancake asses are back to the drawing board.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Hoorah for Surveys!
What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated? 8 years, sometimes 9 depending on the time of year. And he’s just the ticket for me!
Ever been in a car wreck? Oh Lord, so many times that it’s not even note-worthy anymore. My most dramatic crash up, though, was not my fault. I was riding in the backseat when the driver rolled the truck. I enjoyed a long ambulance ride down the canyon, got myself checked out, and went camping!
Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more? Heavens, it dismays me that I’m old enough to have friends to have known for ten years. I suppose I do, although time and distance has diminished the relationships to mostly just acquaintances. That’s sad.
Are you a good tipper? Having spent many years in the food service industry, I’m either a good tipper or a bad tipper. My expectations are higher than many, and I do adjust my tip according to those expectations, but on the flip side, I’m very empathetic. I totally understand what’s it’s like to live on tips.
Have you ever peed in public? Sure, I grew up camping so it’s one of those things that you just get over.
What song do you want played at your funeral? “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles and “Legacy” by Nicole Nordeman.
Would you tell your parents if you were gay? Like Shawna, it’s pretty easy for me to answer this question because it’s really just a hypothetical. I’m married to the only boy I’ll ever need. However, as a product of two parents who are unfailingly loving and supportive, it would never be anything I would have to be afraid of.
What would your last meal be before getting executed? 1000 Skallops with plenty of tartar sauce. And I would eat all of them. I would prefer to die from having my stomach explode anyway.
Beatles or Stones? Stones.
If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be? Hmm. There are plenty of people that I could do without, but even I have a hard time pinpointing someone that I would actually want to die. In light of recent events, I might say Jerry Sandusky, the child rapist from Penn State. But then again, no. I’d like for him to live a good, long time. I’d like for him to live to the ripe old age of 180, living with the guilt and the knowledge that he is as close to inhuman as they come. Death seems a little too easy for him, at least in my opinion.
Beer, wine or hard liquor? Yes.
Do you have any phobias? I really, strongly dislike reptiles. I’m not afraid of bugs or mice. I have a real problem with creatures that move in unpredictable, fast movements and don’t have fur.
What are your plans for the future? Today, I plan to get some work done. Later, I plan to stop at the liquor store for some gin, as I’ve recently discovered my adoration for dirty martinis. And then later after that, Gordon and I will be spending some quality time in our basement, bonding over mud, spackle and drywall. That’s about as far as I’ve gotten.
Ever been in a car wreck? Oh Lord, so many times that it’s not even note-worthy anymore. My most dramatic crash up, though, was not my fault. I was riding in the backseat when the driver rolled the truck. I enjoyed a long ambulance ride down the canyon, got myself checked out, and went camping!
Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more? Heavens, it dismays me that I’m old enough to have friends to have known for ten years. I suppose I do, although time and distance has diminished the relationships to mostly just acquaintances. That’s sad.
Are you a good tipper? Having spent many years in the food service industry, I’m either a good tipper or a bad tipper. My expectations are higher than many, and I do adjust my tip according to those expectations, but on the flip side, I’m very empathetic. I totally understand what’s it’s like to live on tips.
Have you ever peed in public? Sure, I grew up camping so it’s one of those things that you just get over.
What song do you want played at your funeral? “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles and “Legacy” by Nicole Nordeman.
Would you tell your parents if you were gay? Like Shawna, it’s pretty easy for me to answer this question because it’s really just a hypothetical. I’m married to the only boy I’ll ever need. However, as a product of two parents who are unfailingly loving and supportive, it would never be anything I would have to be afraid of.
What would your last meal be before getting executed? 1000 Skallops with plenty of tartar sauce. And I would eat all of them. I would prefer to die from having my stomach explode anyway.
Beatles or Stones? Stones.
If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be? Hmm. There are plenty of people that I could do without, but even I have a hard time pinpointing someone that I would actually want to die. In light of recent events, I might say Jerry Sandusky, the child rapist from Penn State. But then again, no. I’d like for him to live a good, long time. I’d like for him to live to the ripe old age of 180, living with the guilt and the knowledge that he is as close to inhuman as they come. Death seems a little too easy for him, at least in my opinion.
Beer, wine or hard liquor? Yes.
Do you have any phobias? I really, strongly dislike reptiles. I’m not afraid of bugs or mice. I have a real problem with creatures that move in unpredictable, fast movements and don’t have fur.
What are your plans for the future? Today, I plan to get some work done. Later, I plan to stop at the liquor store for some gin, as I’ve recently discovered my adoration for dirty martinis. And then later after that, Gordon and I will be spending some quality time in our basement, bonding over mud, spackle and drywall. That’s about as far as I’ve gotten.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Behind Schedule!
Today is November 9. Nine days past the time when Christmas music is finally acceptable in public. I realized that I haven't listened to a single Christmas song! This is a terrible oversight, I'll have to make amends immediately.
With the help of my favorite music streaming website, Playlist.com, I have created The Christmas Playlist of 2012. I will listen to it almost non-stop for about the next three weeks, until I'm so sick and tired of it that I'll have to create a new one. It looks suspiciously like The Christmas Playlist of 2011.
- "White Christmas" by Bing Crosby
- Four different versions (yes, four) of "Baby It's Cold Outside" by Rod Stewart, Zooey Deschanel, Ray Charles and Dean Martin
- A little Frank Sinatra
- A little Elvis
- A song or two by Air Supply.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Thoughts From A Headline Addict...
I am a total news junkie, did you know? I love current events. MSNBC.com is usually my second e-stop in the morning, right after I have logged in to Mint.com. I check the headlines throughout the day, always curious about what's going on and whether or not anything interesting is happening.
This morning, MSNBC reports the following:
This morning, MSNBC reports the following:
- "Lindsay Lohan sentenced to 30 days, won't serve it all" I'll be damned if this girl is not ON MY LAST NERVE. I'm sick to death of LL headlines. But at least it's pretty easy for the writers and editors. They can basically recycle the same old headlines, over and over again. "Lindsay Lohan Is A Hot Mess"; "Lindsay Lohan Violates Parole"; "Lindsay Lohan is Going Back To The Pokey", etc. etc.
- "Trump Accuses Jon Stewart of Racist Rant!" I'm confused about when we started giving any credence to what Donald Trump has to say. Let's go back to the day BEFORE that day, shall we? Being rich does not necessarily make you intelligent.
- "Rescue Dog Dies After Saving Owner" ... Wah! I'm going to petition MSNBC to stop running stories like this. I can't keep having cry-episodes in the middle of my work day.
- "Jury in NYC Convicts Russian Arms Dealer" The Merchant of Death? What an interesting life he must lead. I hope this ends up on Dateline, I'm dying to learn more!
- "Herman Cain: There Are Factions Trying to Destroy Me" Uh, yeah. If you count YOURSELF as a "faction". I guess you missed the memo about how your personal life tends to get involved when you get into politics. Maybe you should just start by avoiding situations that will later get you in trouble.
- "Greek PM convinces cabinet to push referendum deal ahead" Dear Greece. Quit ruining my damn retirement.
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