Yesterday, I discovered what is absolutely the worst part of my job.  I didn't realize I had signed on for this duty, and I think we can all agree that it is not my strong point.  Dealing with grieving families.  Basically, they ended up dealing with me.

We got the sad news that one of our Flight Nurses in Hawaii had died very suddenly.  He was a part time employee, and happened to be working at his other job as a nurse in a local emergency room.  Thirty five years old, out of nowhere, he had a massive seizure and died right there on the ER floor. 

I knew him about as well as I know any of my employees.  Meaning, not that well, but I had spoken with him a few times over the last few months, discussing insurance and payroll and the 401(k) plan.  Nevertheless, it fell to me to contact his family to handle the minor details like final paychecks and personal belongings.

Being the Emotional Stronghold that I am (not), you can imagine that I was stoic and strong.  Nope.  Not at all.  Approximately 14 seconds into the phone call, his father just broke down and started crying.  And I broke down right along with him.  I just cannot bear to witness other people's grief.  It becomes my own grief immediately and I'm no good at being strong.  (What in the blue hell ever made me think for ONE SINGLE SECOND that I would be a good therapist????  Thank the Lord I bailed out on that plan.)

So anyway.  Go home and hug your family.  Hug your pets. 

Loves!

All Aboard the Crazy Train!

I purposefully bumped into our fertility specialist, Dr. Ahmadd Hammoud this morning.  And by "purposefully bumped into", I mean "made an appointment and went there 20 minutes early just in case he could see me early". 

It's true, after a 10 month hiatus, I have purchased a ticket on the Express Train to Insanity, also known as Fertility Treatment.  With a fresh mindset and a fresh stash of pre-tax money in our Flexible Spending Account, we are ready to start the whole process again.  I feel good about this for several reasons.  Primarily, life is good.  We are in a reasonably solid position in terms of life and finances and mental state.  Also, my job is good and they totally love me, which means they are likely to be willing to work with me on things like scheduling and maternity leave, etc.  The pieces are falling into place and a baby (or two) seems like the most natural addition to the mix.

And as for my mental state...I admit to being a little apprehensive about the whole idea.  First and foremost, I want a baby more than anything, so whatever we need to do is what we will do.  On the other hand, it took me a little while to recover from the tumultuous emotional experience that we have previously been through.  It's a little like purposefully subjecting oneself to manic depression.  The highs are so exciting and hopeful, the lows are the equal and exact opposite, totally devastating.  So I am a little anxious about restarting the whole process again.  

But the point is to come out with a better result, which we have obviously yet to experience.  And I am fairly certain that a positive result will make all of this craziness worth while.  

So I am focusing on positive thinking and trying to avoid the whole single-minded obsession that seems to come naturally to all of this.  Obviously, we'll keep you posted.   

I Should Blog.

I really should blog.  I've been out of touch since pre-Christmas and so much has been happening!  In summary:

• SPHR...I passed!  Please change my contact information in your cell phones, emails, etc. to read Bethany SPHR forthwith.
• Christmas...is it okay for me to say that Christmas was just "eh"?  It kind of was.  As in years past, we all got together and ate, played games, quoted stupid movies, etc. etc.  But everything just felt kind of rushed.  Instead of lying around all night and all day and all night, we were on the run.  Gordon stayed up half the night on Christmas Eve, putting finishing touches on his masterful gift to my dad (a lovely pine box for Dad's boxed wine...now he doesn't have to feel ashamed any longer when he cracks open the Franzia).  We were almost an hour late for Christmas morning because of the finishing touches, and then we had to rush through presents in time to go to a family friend's for Christmas lunch.  We ended the day in a whirlwind and then I was sad that it was all over and I had spent most of the day being irritated.  And then I was even sadder because I was the world's worst gift giver.  Naturally, Mr. O'Neil bought me all kinds of clothes and shoes (because he knows what makes me tick), but I went the practical route this year and got him new down pillows, a comforter, a camera (to replace the one that I broke) and an assortment of underwear, socks, a hat (which did not fit) and a fuzzy sweatshirt (which did not fit, either).  All in all, I was deflated and I really felt awful.  I seriously felt like the worst wife and it made me want to cry. 
• On a more positive note, we have enjoyed approximately 98 million inches of snow in the last couple of weeks which makes my heart so very happy.  We are loving the moisture and the cold weather...keep it coming!  January is the month that our inversion sets in and the air becomes about as toxic as Chernobyl. 
• New Year's Eve - We drug our homebody selves out on the town for the night, much to my initial dismay.  In the end, we actually had a lot of fun.  I was the Designated Driver, seeing as we were hanging out with Gordon's friends.  The thing I enjoyed the most was seeing my husband tipsy.  It happens only once in a blue moon, and he just generally gets funnier and more animated.  Granted, at 1:30 a.m. I did have to put my foot down and tell him I was going home whether he was joining me or not.  The highlight of the night was seeing an old friend who is like a relic from an old gangster movie in front of The Depot.  His name is Dino and he was wearing this huge, absurd fur-looking coat and a weird head piece.  We stopped to say hello and ducked into their limo.  The limo contained a weird girl with far too few items of clothing on, an absolutely ANCIENT man who made his money in real estate in the 70s and the Lord only know what else was in there.  Scary but amusing all the same.  It was like 15 minutes in Boogie Nights.
• And finally...a little home remodeling.  It seems like we really never stop.  We're always doing something.  Someday we'll finish it all.  This time, we opened up the wall between our living room and dining room.  I love it!  It opens up the area and it feels so much more spacious!  Stay tuned for photos, now that we have a new camera.

So 2011 begins.  We are happy, healthy and loving life.  Oh, have I mentioned how much I adore my Nook?  Only about 15 times in every possible outlet of my life.  To date, I have run it out of batteries three times and finished two of the three Stieg Larsson books, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Played With Fire.  Completely mindless reading, but exactly what my soul needs. 

Loves to you all and good wishes for the new year!