Sampson Lee O'Neil

Sampson L. O'Neil, the blue heeler puppy, deserved nothing but coal for Christmas this year. The following is a truncated list of why:

1. Sam has a penchant for carrying underwear outside in the backyard. One can look out the back window and catch glimpses of bright striped boxer-briefs and pink polka dot panties strewn across the landscape.

2. Sam ate not one, but two of his PeopleMom's shoes. Not just any old shoes, but two pair that were in the Top 5 of Favorites.

3. Sam STILL goes tinkle on the carpet in the case of an emergency. In Sam's book, the long trip up the staircase, cold air outside or a deep nap constitute an emergency, causing him to potty on the carpet.

4. Sam likes to play with the kitties, but this version of "play" is only considered "play" by Sam. To everyone else, it's a regular beatdown.

5. Sam eats ALL of the cat food EVERY DAY. Someone must have told him that the kitty's room is the Golden Corral, because he indulges in the buffet every single day.

Santa must be distracted, though, because he brought Sam a big chewy bone and a stuffed hedgehog that squeaks/oinks/grunts. In spite of baby Sambo's bad habits, no one, not even Santa, can be upset with him. When he wags his whole body when you come home and jumps little baby jumps in an attempt to reach your face with his Gene Simmons-like tongue, you forget all about being mad. Even when you were mad on behalf of your favorite black pumps.