I purposefully bumped into our fertility specialist, Dr. Ahmadd Hammoud this morning. And by "purposefully bumped into", I mean "made an appointment and went there 20 minutes early just in case he could see me early".
It's true, after a 10 month hiatus, I have purchased a ticket on the Express Train to Insanity, also known as Fertility Treatment. With a fresh mindset and a fresh stash of pre-tax money in our Flexible Spending Account, we are ready to start the whole process again. I feel good about this for several reasons. Primarily, life is good. We are in a reasonably solid position in terms of life and finances and mental state. Also, my job is good and they totally love me, which means they are likely to be willing to work with me on things like scheduling and maternity leave, etc. The pieces are falling into place and a baby (or two) seems like the most natural addition to the mix.
And as for my mental state...I admit to being a little apprehensive about the whole idea. First and foremost, I want a baby more than anything, so whatever we need to do is what we will do. On the other hand, it took me a little while to recover from the tumultuous emotional experience that we have previously been through. It's a little like purposefully subjecting oneself to manic depression. The highs are so exciting and hopeful, the lows are the equal and exact opposite, totally devastating. So I am a little anxious about restarting the whole process again.
But the point is to come out with a better result, which we have obviously yet to experience. And I am fairly certain that a positive result will make all of this craziness worth while.
So I am focusing on positive thinking and trying to avoid the whole single-minded obsession that seems to come naturally to all of this. Obviously, we'll keep you posted.
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