A Smattering of Recent Thoughts

In the last couple of days, I've had very little time for blogging, which hurts me deeply. I feel so inhibited by the fact that I don't have the time to stop what I'm doing and dash out an entry about the randomness that constantly parades through my cerebral cortex. So I've had to condense my musings to the following bulleted list of complete hogwash:

• Someone needs to take my day-timer away from me. I've developed an irrational and completely ridiculous obsession with those little squares with numbers in them. I fill each square with important notes such as "MUST go to the gym today" or "Ramen noodles for dinner tonight". Each note is color-coded, though I have long since forgotten the actual rhyme and reason for each color. At this point, I just like to look at my calendar and see all the lovely colors.

• It has once again come to my attention that many people in the Universe believe that you must wait for a green light to make a right hand turn. I am beginning to think that my life's direction consists of only right hand turns and every single one of them is interrupted by someone who is not performing properly. I calculate that this egregious mistake has thus far cost me 14 hours and 8 minutes. This during 2009 only.

• Recently, I have been doing a lot of things that I really never envisioned myself to be doing. It's a little weird, I sometimes find myself saying, "Good grief. Is this for real?" Some examples include making an appointment with a Chinese Voo-Doo Herbal Medicine woman who may or may not prescribe opium and tea that tastes like dirt to induce pregnancy. I tell you...if someone told me that eating grasshoppers and poking needles in my eyeballs would encourage fertility, I'd be on that in a heartbeat.

• Disturbingly, I have found myself watching not one but two episodes of "Leave it to the Lamas". Shayne Lamas, Lorenzo Lamas' daughter, is a black hole of intelligence, illustrated by the fact that it took her "hours" to figure out how to use the microwave. I think, in fact, that the show would be more successful if E! changed the show to be called "Leave It To The LLAMAS" and did a documentary about the pack animal.

• I would like to know why I pay three different charges for water. I pay for sewer water, I pay for culinary water, and then I pay some sort of generic bill for water. Who in the blue hell is running the show over there at Midvale City Corporation, I would just like for someone to tell me.

• I am currently obsessed with Marilyn Monroe. I recently heard that her death is shrouded in mystery and there are those who believe that the Kennedys had something to do with her death. I wish that my work would assign me to write an assessment about this subject so that I could research in peace. It doesn't seem likely at the moment.

That's about all the random I can come up with, just off the top of my head.

The Blog With No Title.

Dear Ne-Yo (the hip-hop superstar for those of you not tapped into THE SCENE)-

I need to say this to you. You know I have long been a fan, if somewhat of a "closet fan", if you will. I keep it a secret because I have approximately zero rhythm. And a very public love affair with all things country music-related. And my husband laughs at me when I bust any of my patented hip-hop dance moves. So it's best if we keep our relationship on the down-low, if you know what I mean.

But listen, chum...back to the thing I need to say to you. It's been weighing on my mind for weeks. I'm having a terrible time taking your newest song seriously. It's called "I Wanna Be On You". Initially, I thought it was a silly/vulgar/ridiculous title, but I quickly moved on, enjoying the beat and picking up on the words. But something in the corner of my mind was tickling me. And then...I realized it. Ne-yo, the lyrics of that song are disconcertingly similar to my favorite line from Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Let's do a little comparison so you can see my point...

The words to your song:

Take this thought and send it your way,

And if you don’t like that, then send it right back,

But I just gotta say

I wanna be on you (on you),

I wanna be on you (on you)

And if you don’t like that, then send it right back....blah blah blah.

And now...The third funniest line from Anchorman:

Ron Burgundy: I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you. [Veronica turns and walks away]

Ron Burgundy: Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I... I wanna be on you.

Can you see my point? Is this purposeful? It's just that I'm having a real struggle taking this song seriously. Don't get me wrong, I still sing it in the car and even throw out a few fingersnaps and foot taps, but in all seriousness. I just can't find it in my heart to add this one to my own personal Top 10. I hope you understand. I also hope you'll take this as a learning opportunity, in the future avoiding the use of ridiculous quotes from ridiculous movies as fodder for love songs.

Thanks for stopping in. And by the way...could you just become a follower of my blog? I currently have two followers, who I adore immensely (woot! woot! to Micci and Sarah!) but I'm looking to add. So if you'll just become a Follower, I promise to continue to offer you my true and honest opinion.

Thanks again, homie.

Bizzle O'Neil